How should I start write this post this time? I kind of lost of not knowing where shall I start after the Tokyo, Japan trip. I got a full time office job, creative marketing job. A typical being told is a 9 a.m. to 6.30p.m. job, sounds fair enough, an 8 hours daily job. But unfortunately, as we all or some of us have already know, this is a 9 - 7 or 8pm job or more. A very generic, general asian working office life.
I was being told to get used to it, such life as almost fully committed job. And sometimes I need to work on Saturday's night event job as a cameraman or photographer taking photos to promote their company active events all year round. Well, its not something very bad if you love what you do, you will eventually willing to commit such and be there for the company always.
Let's talk about the benefits working as a Creative Marketing Executive in a "China-man" kind of company work flow and system. You can say I'm being stereotype on "China-man" company, but you cannot simply just say I am racist as I am a Malaysian Chinese too. I am just saying based on my personal experiences and point of views. Let's start, working in a new Creative Marketing department, you get to experience working a few labels, or sister's or children of the company products all by yourself or with one senior. You'll learnt to adapt the tough environment as "one-leg-kick" (one-man show) doing all, multi-tasking, know how to protect yourself by knowing your position responsibilities, your boundaries in order not to get bullied by other departments or employees asking you doing unnecessary tasks.
You'll learn to be independent, self discipline, workaholic to finish work on time or deal with very last minute amendments stress environment. And also, you'll get to broaden your networks through marketing events and deal with suppliers and know about the advertising rates.
Now, the disadvantages. Like I said, you will love your job if this is the life you want. But if you view from a healthy lifestyle perspective, it isn't really that healthy working long hours, not enough rest, no time to go relax or even exercise or practise a healthy lifestyle. Working long hours and less rest, relaxing hours will eventually, really, make you dumb as your mind didn't get to rest but constantly, squeezing for ideas and creative juice than having time to relax and get inspired, get fully charged to battle the next coming day.
So, how do I feel after 3 weeks of working as Creative Marketing Executive? which still under probation. Well, I have mixed feelings, because I still do design, its still one of things that interests me. But maybe I have mixed dreams of the ideal life of mine, being a model, doing art stuff, living a healthy life, inspires people. And being not popular model won't have fixed income and you have to invest money and time for keeping up a good looking body and face. I like being handsome or sexy fit model. At the same time, my talent is art, design, graphic design, photography. I am not given the talent to own the stage or even have the height to walk the runway. I am not that friendly to talk to strangers or make friends. I feel kind of tired rushing design works in the office for the whole day till night, not having dinner on time, no time to go body workout between 8.30 to 10pm time slot that I prefer,
Somehow I have slowly started to accept the way of a creative marketing or graphic designer life after a few times working from internship, my first short 2 months web designer job, my one year freelance designer job and my friends and sister telling me the same kind of lifestyle. I have to somehow accept the fact and no escape for it. I hope things can change over time on working lifestyle.
Starting a new job and moving out from family and staying with my partner in renting room with his mum is a whole new beginning. There's a saying, the starting point of everything will always be the hardest time. I hope i will still remember the life I want to live in than accepting the real life and let the reality shape me and become someone who I am not. At this stage, I always wonder will i ever be the guy that I dream to become, and struggle to make a living with a fixed job which may not be what I desire the most but just the talent I have to keep me alive than doing what I love.
Starting a new job on a Christmas month have made me not being in the mood for Christmas nor even for New Year or Chinese New Year. I have mixed feelings as I feel I am back to zero again and there's so much more things waiting me to make the next milestone of my life. I have worked freelance jobs for a year, from graphic designer to photo touch up, photography to modelling, modelling to handcraft. I didn't get to achieve my dreams in this year though. I didn't get to win or get a full time modelling job, I didn't get to move the next stage or phase of my body shape as my target to get slightly hunkier than slim fit. I lost my car, I lost some of my self portraits and modelling photos, I didn't win any contest. I didn't get to try make own business, I don't have partners to work with. I got so much to learn.
It makes me feel the year end too soon and I have no choice to accept the truth. I am only human and I admit I dream too big, but I only lived once. I wish i can inspires people, but I don't think I am qualify to be a good role model to everyone as I have my imperfections and I am gay, plu. I have came out to my family but not my relatives, I am in a relationship with my partner for 3 years now and we staying together now with his mum in one small renting room. And I worked as model for drawing class before, took sexy photos by photographer before, self portrait sexy kinky themes before. Will you still think I am a good role model to learn from? having underwear fetish or love to exhibit my fit body when I did my part on putting efforts to get good shape. People sometimes ask why wanna show or flaunt good body as some people just keep it for their lover or just self interest, no need be so showy. But that's just me, I just think if i paid my efforts on working hard for body, I feel i wanna show, some sort of proud, but I also won't show when I not having a good body shape. It gives me some sort of confidence. Its like, when one artist draw or paint an artworks, one would want to have audience to express the artwork to. I guess humans can't really just be alone, we always need someone or something to express and share to show the results, to deliver a message, to love and be loved.