Timing really is nothing about too early or late in life, we don't get to choose when we die or when will I lost my mum, and so, moving out early to start live alone and try learn to earn money and survive is never too early. Its never too early to learn about being mature in thinking. Being gay is nothing rare or new or very special to write into a book to be read by people nowadays, is just that there's still parts of this planet earth will not accept nor understand.
So what makes me say my life is like a roller coaster? The ups and downs in life, is my late mum that taught me to be less self-centered about my own problem and learn to be more than independent, is my siblings that taught me being the youngest in the family like me doesn't mean I will be loved the most or take the least responsibilities for the family. Is my grandparents had taught me the olden generation life was tougher than my generation and learnt to be savvy but being savvy doesn't mean have to be selfish or steal or own things more than you need.
Being gay and attached and confess to family are another part of my experiencing my journey of life, although we always say gay people is same like straight people, we also have the playboy, the emo, the geek/nerd, the hunky, the good and bad lovers like straight people, just not everyone can see that. So, my partner and I had our hard time to go through confessing to our parents and trying to live together in a room with my partner's mum and I now can called her mum is a sense of being recognised and confirmed/approved relationship is really a comforting news to me. She may not be like my mum to replace what I have lost and regret in life, but it is a lucky thing to be able to be loved like a son and mother. And maybe because I came from a different family background, I found living here with my partner and my "mum" , I feel happier and less stress except for my job and my future career and fitness/health.
I always envy or feel that I am slightly less fortunate when comes to blemish skin like mine and people always ask me why, there's no answer to that, I am just born with weaker immune system and sensitive skin. I am just not gifted with a healthy body and skin to live like the beautiful people that surrounds me in every day life. I am just gifted the acknowledgement to live a healthy lifestyle, I am not born with handsome face, beautiful body and golden key. I have learnt life has never really been fair, and I just have to work double the efforts to be like their standards, its hard and its tiring sometimes, but from here I learnt what's more important is inner beauty than outer beauty, I will still continue to look good on the outside, but when comes to knowing people now I learnt to look from the inner beauty to outer beauty.
Sometimes I respect people who got the wisdom to use his/her body as a marketing tool to earn money like Lady Gaga to get attention and then notice her creativity in art then lastly her music which not everyone able to do that or even accept people who brave enough to do it because of shame and what society shapes our mind and values. The body is a tool of feeling expression and the art to express your soul, also a marketing tool for nowadays society, sex sells, fitness physique sells. etc etc. But if you want to be more than just inspiring or just sexy, you better combine both and have a better message to deliver. You only lived once, so think what can you contribute to the society or what can you do while you are alive and what is the last impression you want people to get before you left the world.
Let's talk about Mr. Utopia contest. Utopia is a gay restaurant and bar. Yes, I finally find a contest that suits me than Malaysia Hunk contest which only for straight guys, but this one also is still a contest about metrosexual, fashionable, smart looking sexy hunk contest. Its, again a contest on confidence and sporting guy who is confident on stage. And again, I feel not so confident again, because I don't have good skin yet nor even have stage talents like dancing or singing or acting, not my strength, but its a good experience and its a chance of life changing to better or not. But have to be pretty daring to flaunt your body and get attention and make people like you to get votes.
I sometimes always question where I will go or where will I be or belong, I wonder creative marketing exec. job will able to achieve the dreams I want and yet doing what I love such as fitness and health and modelling. I haven't found my path. Will gym trainer and entrepreneur make me happier and stable life.
Life is always the hardest when we always trying to be perfect and inspiring people around me, but once achieve will be the happiest thing happen in life.