Model for nude photography is also just a job

特别优秀的模特儿就能容易找到正当模特儿时尚的工作，世界这么大，有多少人有一样梦想但就是不是那位特出的。当人每次问我为什么要拍一些性感照，有生理反应的照片。我只是想说我自己已经澄清很多次了，要以模特儿为工作的一部分为生活，一半是兴趣，一半就是要肯接比一般模特儿不可能接的工作，裸照可以是艺术照，也可以是商业化，现实社会要看的。如果我永远都等着时尚品牌找我，我可能永远都没机会做模特儿的经验。为什么要问我“当天摄影师如果是同志拍你全裸，你不怕吗？他不是赚到了？“ “ 如果你当天拍摄有生理反应真么办？”我只想说这是一份工作，就像演员把自己的本分做好呈现出他们要的照片，是艺术也好不是也好，是一份工作，一份专业，就是呈现出照片里的一种幻想，一种意境，一个讯息。有没有生理反应，也是要继续把拍摄拍完。我接全裸拍摄工作是因为没有很多人敢接，那就是我的机会来做别人不做的，不容易但那就是我。被问的我是会觉得，一，你没看过我己经回答过类似问题；二，我会觉得尴尬当你把拍摄过程充满幻想，也让我觉得不被尊敬的感觉。也许你是要问我是否喜欢拍摄裸照或性感照，我只能说现在的我习惯了，但我还是会小心得选拍摄主题和概念还有可靠的摄影师。我的不好经验我不想说不代表我是随便的人。

Specially unique models are easy to get proper modelling fashion editorial jobs in this big world where many have the same dream to be the successful model. Every time people asked me "Why I want to take these sexy photos such as underwear or nude photos or with bulge seen?" "If the photographer is gay and photograph you nude, he is so lucky and "earned" so much" or "what if during the photoshoot and you have an erection?". I have declared a few times about why before. Being a model is not just passion on what you like to do, people choose you more than you choose what job you want if they find you're not suitable. To create or to have my own model experience, I chose to take jobs or model for some photoshoot that not all models willing to do, in order to survive, in order to be outstanding or show I can do more than just fashion, editorial. Doing nude photoshoot or sexy photoshoot is just another modelling job, either is artistic or commercialised. It's a job, a profession, is like acting to deliver the picture that the photographer or client wants. Is business, sex-appeal. Whenever I am being asked, I felt, first, I have talked about it here or at my blog before. Second, I don't feel comfortable when your questions seems like giving yourself a fantasy of the photoshoot behind the scene, I felt not respected in some ways. Maybe you want to ask mainly is am I enjoying myself taking sexy or nude photos? right now I can only say I already used to it, but it doesn't mean I am simply person. I still choose photoshoot based on the concept, the idea/ theme, the purpose. And also choosing trustable photographer. I have bad experiences that I don't want to tell doesn't mean I am simply person and I don't want being treated like I am a playboy or slut just because I do nude photography. A slut or play boy doesn't need to be photographed to begin with.

Model Compcard Update 2015

It just depends how to see things, go shock or go home?

Today I just want to write about certain things I've experienced and have thoughts about the things and also clarify things. I am doing OK, no worries.

First thing first, about the nude photos being leaked online. I wrote things about it like "my penis is more famous than me in person, my body and face, my talents." Well, I am not nagging or whining about it like a complaint but more like a statement of truth or a fact. I made fun of myself about that statement and at the same time reflecting how the society are as part of the world we live in. Yes,  the only frustrated thing I have is the leaked photos which initially for selling as pocket money or salary. And this next thing, I said before and I am going to say again, almost all the photoshoot I've worked are not paid, either the photographers think they shouldn't pay because they thinks they should get paid for photographing you (which is arguable point and they aren't wrong either). or they are poor financially photographers who looking for low budget portfolio for themselves. Or we both have this idea we both agreed or like to do and we tried. So all these we came with conditions because I don't have much money and I want to make money from making nice model photos work together with photographer. I asked to have the photos for my e-photobook and at the same time, they can use the photos for themselves too but with notification and permissions. So, I can earn my money from the photoshoot which I don't get paid.

About the nude photos of me, many friends of mine worry because they never really know what modelling jobs I worked for although they heard of me selling e-photobooks. And also maybe their mind find this as a negative thing for taking nude photos. I am not upset because of having the nude photos photographed and leaked. Because from the moment I agree to take nude photos, I know what am I doing and I treat these as my modelling job, artwork or portfolio which I made.  I only upset because no credits given either photographers or me and the photos are for commercial purposes and not for free. Many my friends who aren't from this model industry or photography will stereotypically thinks all models are just model for clothes, products, services, TVC talents. Which is yes, if you are lucky enough, unique enough, outstanding attractive and are the one who majority likes, your career is smoother than baby oil. And there are still models for work for artistic photoshoot, or art and makeup photoshoot, photography have many categories. Depends what you want to try, the niche market or the competitive market. For me, I'm not popular or special and often do not get model for any clothing or products except underwear or underwear with plain t-shirt only, so I started up trying to be model for sexy or nude photography where most models don't do. It is not only try to give myself an extra path to go, but also overcome my fear being in front of camera. Once I've experienced nude in front of camera, you get to be more relax or more focus on posing right with or without clothes than having worry thoughts showing up at my face.

And of course, I will never know what's the best way to tell my family and not planning to tell since they aren't even happy when I trying modelling jobs at the first place, don't even think about telling being nude model.

Exposing yourself to nudity might not sounds as bad as you can imagine. It's like sex, the more you try to hide sex knowledge to younger generation, the more they eager to know or find out by themselves. Why not just educate them that nudity is nothing to be afraid of, it just part of your body and learn how to see as norm than trying to over reacting or sensitive about it, and not always have to link it to dirty things. Its like Japan where they produced many adult content photos or anime etc etc. But they may have used to it as norm that they could make fun of it, or oversee all the lust and see the soul. This doesn't apply to all Japanese but I'm saying what's important is how your mind thinks than treating it as something like end of the world. And it's funny when people responded to Japan's earthquake and nuclear exploded as "karma" than helping out.

Second thing is about manners versus friendship when talking about bad news. Because many friends are kind enough to tell me about my leaked photos, and I get to see how many ways of communicating or delivering bad news. And one of them scolded me as he said my respond sounded nasty. The situation is like this he said "hi, just FYI." and then attached his print screen photo. So, I asked, "then give me the tumblr username at least or the link." then he just said is a reblogged and the source is not found. Which at that time, I was contacting one tumblr user to remove the source photo. Then I told my friend, maybe it already removed because I just contacted one user to remove it.  Then, he print screen another photo showing me is still there. I overlooked this time the second print screen which include the username and then I said, "Well if you can't open the source of the photo then you can give me the username, I go search by myself." Then, he said "It's already on the screen, You don't have to sound so nasty. I don't have the obligation to inform you that your nudes is shown in public." and I got angry, "I just say you can give me the account name, sorry I didn't see properly. And you don't have to sound like that too, having problems is me. And you are not the first person just print screen without giving the link and I have to search by myself." And he just went over the line saying "Yeah, is not the first time I am so busybody and not the first time I responding like this. You could have sound politely and say thank you for informing. We do not owe you anything or have the obligation to inform you." I was like, What the heck saying loud in my heart. Imagine if this situation is about informing my mum died and I have to say thank you for informing? Our friendship is such paper thin that manner first than solving the problems together and where did the hell I sounded nasty?Or is he just have been working in Singapore too long adapting the "anything also complain" attitude? Then I just said, "Sorry if you have to feel nasty from the words I typed but interpreted by your mind. Thank you for informing and sorry if I made you feel you owed me obligation." I am pissed. Now I looked back, I still feel childish. And if I compare, I have a supporter of my e-photobook who just dropped me message about the leaked photos and he said "sorry for bringing the bad news". Now I just felt maybe he just had rough day, I don't know. I only remember we used to have smooth conversation and now like being so sensitive when I always was being said I am the sensitive one. And he just brought me memories of he used to tell me he hate me speaking English because he felt I am speaking proper English accent like I pretending to be an English. I personally feel that why some people couldn't see certain things in a positive way. Some American celebrities tend to speak English accent because they like the accent only and not trying to be someone who they aren't unless they pretend to be the one who do not know how to speak their native language. That one, I will not like it, people who try to speak English accent and pretend not knowing their native language. I don't mind people speaking more than one language or speaking in proper pronunciation. Why can world be a little happier?

My 25 self.

During the making of "25" e-photobook, there's many things I wished I could have written down. But I didn't, I just told myself I need to be positive and show the bright sides of me. Naming "25" title is no lie that I got inspired from Adele's previous albums, naming it by certain age of her life telling her story of that year. But I never thought after I named it, Adele released her album "25" this year too. Listening to her "Hello", I wished I can just say the same and draining out sad negative vibes. "They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing." I told myself to shake it off, so I wrote things standing in a neutral point of view or left with a question mark or indecisive answer. I cannot show I am weak, I can only show I have been through the obstacles and I am still moving on.

They asked "how are you going to survive being a freelance?",  he asked "What's your next plan?". Family worries you are not on the right path surviving. "How are you going to make money?" "Are you special enough?" I wish I know everything. I wish I can sing well, I wish I can dance. At this age of time where you have to be good at more than one thing. It seems no one showing respect and appreciation of professional at one thing anymore. Everyone is draining out every drip of talent juice they have. Somewhere some parts of the art world seems dying, fading, lost, gone. I wish I can tell you these. But I just want to say I can do it.

Every time after done making an e-photobook,  I always doubt myself whether able to make the next one. It's tough, it's scary to think that I will be able to survive from this e-photobook to make the next one. Always doubt what I can do to be better, so that I can show something new on the next e-photobook. I ain't the mainstream person, I don't know how to survive getting on the front line,  it's a lot of investment to put on my own self.

Strangers asked or told me many things, "You seems did a lot of underwear photoshoot.", "Can you introduced me the photographers? so I can bring my models/talents to them.", "Any handsome model or friends to introduce?" , "Did models make out with photographers/HMUA?", "saw your e-photobook selling somewhere else." all kinds of uncomfortable statements or comments and questions I felt as if I own the right to choose what photoshoot to do when I am working as a model, as if I am only a middle man to some people for knowing other resourceful talented people. I just told myself, if there ain't roads shown for you, you can only pass to others where roads are looking for them in positive thinking way.

Saying to myself, "It's not your fault that you have tried many ways, failures are just part of the journey to success." (where I ain't feeling it yet) But I got to have faith in it. Talking to someone seems like myself after 5-6 years with almost same birthdate, I hope I know where will I supposed to be in better me.

25 vol. 4 (Low Res)

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