Thursday, December 6, 2012

The reason of being jobless

Each time when people asked about why jobless, each time I revise why I quit, each time I have more thoughts, I was initially wanted to learn how to build a website from back end to the front, I also wanted to be me, have my style, my input into the web designs, and I also try to understand and put myself into same goals as the company's, to be united in order to have the self motivation to do good works and not just work for money which I learnt from a book, I learnt in order to be successful with partners, first must have same vision and goal which are able to work together for it and not fighting for it. But when work overload and not informed surprises strikes and workaholic spirit forced into the environment, I immediately know this is not the ideal lifestyle I was trying to balance of,  and changes made to the environment before I able to be qualified, I lost a senior to learn from when I think I have not fully learn everything, I just feel, unorganised, not systematic, not define job scope and I am just not happy. I just feel when in my personal real life, I have been mostly trying out , working out things by myself, i do not wish to be in the same situation again in my working life, makes me feel pointless and rather working for myself individually. And that's the reason why I always wanting to try working or collaborating with people, as I understand the power of teamwork. 

Other than that, I just want to say, I can eat super plain for two months plus because of acupuncture to treat hives, I can try to eat more meals correctly and more vegetables to balance the acid and alkali because of wanting to gain more weight and muscle, and not getting heaty and cause breakouts. I can do non-paid own art projects and quit my jobs and dying just hoping somehow the things i do can be something someday, I can because wanting to survive, hopefully madly preparing things and trying out things to earn little bits of money and dunno where am i going. I am just crazy that everyone thinks and I know i have not reach the lowest point to say such an arrogant words while I am still losing things now, all i have now is platforms communicating with outside world and trying to get right networks, I am using my all to be the artist that I want to be and is not enough time to balance life yet. Its just the beginning. 

You don't know how much I hate about myself before I came here this far.

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