Monday, June 30, 2014
My Experience in Pink Dot 2014
I am not sure where to write or how to start but I want to make it short if possible but its more than one sentence i can describe my this year experience at Pink Dot Sg. At first, I am Malaysian and its not being approved to have such event here as public event to create awareness and support and acceptance. And there's always a mixed feeling when attend our neighbour country Pink Dot event. I felt happy to have so much love from the people who wear pink shirt , gathering here and support the freedom to love. This year, I was told there will be group of people wearing white to protest or against LGBT or Pink Dot event, I was initially worried. Plus, on my way to Hong Lim Park for Pink Dot event, I saw one family on the street, one look like the mum, and one daughter and one uncle.
I not really know what's the whole scene is about but I just heard the mum asked and nagged, " why you always make your own decision without our approval? why you so stubborn?" the little girl I think she is about 10-13 years old I not sure and she dressed in pink tee where as mom wore white collar shirt. The little girl was a little scare and afraid to answer once her mum asked. It was just a few blocks away from Hong Lim Park, near the hotel I stayed. I maybe thinking too much about the pink and white shirts. But if what I heard is true and the whole scene i saw is about Pink Dot. Then I was not really prepare for the people who against it. Because I also heard to invite the people who wore white to participate Pink Dot, to let them understand what is Pink Dot.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Mr. Utopia Preliminary Round + My 1st Totomomo Underwear Review: ManView Jockstrap
Hello everyone, I know I have not been very active lately again on my blogging but I am here again! =)
Well, I got into the preliminary round of Mr. Utopia contest but I didn't got into the Final Round which I was partially expected because of my lack of stage presence and confidence and also being the thinnest guy among the contestants. So, because I didn't plan and expect to win, I just plan to enjoy the show and have fun doing something silly. There's a round where you need to do what is your dream/ ambition is which you need to wear an outfit or costume which present your dream/ ambition. And I decided to just entertain the gay bar as I thought Utopia bar is gay and so does the contest. I brought the S&M leather belts and underwear but I wore a black jeans pants as I still worry about being too revealing if the contest judges and organiser didn't plan to go that far and I also worry that I will be treated as being a slut or b**ch hahaha. But I know at least I can get your attention.
All the contestants arrived early before the night starts and had rehearsals a few times to calm us down to be less nervous when the actual contest starts. I was happy to have the chance to make new friends and know more people in the contest and I was lucky enough to have friends to fetch me to the contest. But still, maybe I was too nervous or the backstage is too dark and I got bad memory. I can't find my wallet after I changed my clothes to get ready for second part of the show and that turned my mood down from high and happy. And so the third part of the show, my heart is just wanted to quickly finish the night and go make my police report and sleep. I was so emotional because all I remember the third part of the show is to strip off your shirt and pose and I got no full stage presence as I did the posing fast and runway walk fast too. Plus, there's crowd screaming much for me either, I was sad.
I was kinda too emo that the next morning I cried as I felt, no one really liked me on that night contest. I mean I know I won't win, but couldn't we at least just pretend we enjoy the night? HAHAHA how delusional I was back then. And I had a song playing in my head which is "Lies" by Marina and the Diamonds. But then, my partner decided to bring me go temple pray for the lost of wallet as a sign of bad luck. Right before that, I found my wallet! after I canceled all my atm cards and made a police report and checked my bag 3 times. But the following day after the contest, I found my wallet in my bag! And things got lighten up, and I feel happy back again because the wallet is more important than the contest I joined although I lost, but its not my first time being rejected as my journey to success will falls numbers of falling which I believed.
All the contestants arrived early before the night starts and had rehearsals a few times to calm us down to be less nervous when the actual contest starts. I was happy to have the chance to make new friends and know more people in the contest and I was lucky enough to have friends to fetch me to the contest. But still, maybe I was too nervous or the backstage is too dark and I got bad memory. I can't find my wallet after I changed my clothes to get ready for second part of the show and that turned my mood down from high and happy. And so the third part of the show, my heart is just wanted to quickly finish the night and go make my police report and sleep. I was so emotional because all I remember the third part of the show is to strip off your shirt and pose and I got no full stage presence as I did the posing fast and runway walk fast too. Plus, there's crowd screaming much for me either, I was sad.
I was kinda too emo that the next morning I cried as I felt, no one really liked me on that night contest. I mean I know I won't win, but couldn't we at least just pretend we enjoy the night? HAHAHA how delusional I was back then. And I had a song playing in my head which is "Lies" by Marina and the Diamonds. But then, my partner decided to bring me go temple pray for the lost of wallet as a sign of bad luck. Right before that, I found my wallet! after I canceled all my atm cards and made a police report and checked my bag 3 times. But the following day after the contest, I found my wallet in my bag! And things got lighten up, and I feel happy back again because the wallet is more important than the contest I joined although I lost, but its not my first time being rejected as my journey to success will falls numbers of falling which I believed.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Life like a roller coaster is interesting? Mr. Utopia contest can change my life? I am not perfect.
When I said my life is like a roller coaster, I didn't really mean it in a good way although it may sounds interesting dramatic life. But I don't really prefer dramatic life. And life is never really about timing of early or late, or what's fair or what's not. And Buddha story told us that "Birth, Old, Sick Death" is a fact and a cycle that no one can escape but to accept and learn to treat the cycle as norm and not a kind of suffering.
Timing really is nothing about too early or late in life, we don't get to choose when we die or when will I lost my mum, and so, moving out early to start live alone and try learn to earn money and survive is never too early. Its never too early to learn about being mature in thinking. Being gay is nothing rare or new or very special to write into a book to be read by people nowadays, is just that there's still parts of this planet earth will not accept nor understand.
So what makes me say my life is like a roller coaster? The ups and downs in life, is my late mum that taught me to be less self-centered about my own problem and learn to be more than independent, is my siblings that taught me being the youngest in the family like me doesn't mean I will be loved the most or take the least responsibilities for the family. Is my grandparents had taught me the olden generation life was tougher than my generation and learnt to be savvy but being savvy doesn't mean have to be selfish or steal or own things more than you need.
Being gay and attached and confess to family are another part of my experiencing my journey of life, although we always say gay people is same like straight people, we also have the playboy, the emo, the geek/nerd, the hunky, the good and bad lovers like straight people, just not everyone can see that. So, my partner and I had our hard time to go through confessing to our parents and trying to live together in a room with my partner's mum and I now can called her mum is a sense of being recognised and confirmed/approved relationship is really a comforting news to me. She may not be like my mum to replace what I have lost and regret in life, but it is a lucky thing to be able to be loved like a son and mother. And maybe because I came from a different family background, I found living here with my partner and my "mum" , I feel happier and less stress except for my job and my future career and fitness/health.
I always envy or feel that I am slightly less fortunate when comes to blemish skin like mine and people always ask me why, there's no answer to that, I am just born with weaker immune system and sensitive skin. I am just not gifted with a healthy body and skin to live like the beautiful people that surrounds me in every day life. I am just gifted the acknowledgement to live a healthy lifestyle, I am not born with handsome face, beautiful body and golden key. I have learnt life has never really been fair, and I just have to work double the efforts to be like their standards, its hard and its tiring sometimes, but from here I learnt what's more important is inner beauty than outer beauty, I will still continue to look good on the outside, but when comes to knowing people now I learnt to look from the inner beauty to outer beauty.
Sometimes I respect people who got the wisdom to use his/her body as a marketing tool to earn money like Lady Gaga to get attention and then notice her creativity in art then lastly her music which not everyone able to do that or even accept people who brave enough to do it because of shame and what society shapes our mind and values. The body is a tool of feeling expression and the art to express your soul, also a marketing tool for nowadays society, sex sells, fitness physique sells. etc etc. But if you want to be more than just inspiring or just sexy, you better combine both and have a better message to deliver. You only lived once, so think what can you contribute to the society or what can you do while you are alive and what is the last impression you want people to get before you left the world.
Let's talk about Mr. Utopia contest. Utopia is a gay restaurant and bar. Yes, I finally find a contest that suits me than Malaysia Hunk contest which only for straight guys, but this one also is still a contest about metrosexual, fashionable, smart looking sexy hunk contest. Its, again a contest on confidence and sporting guy who is confident on stage. And again, I feel not so confident again, because I don't have good skin yet nor even have stage talents like dancing or singing or acting, not my strength, but its a good experience and its a chance of life changing to better or not. But have to be pretty daring to flaunt your body and get attention and make people like you to get votes.
I sometimes always question where I will go or where will I be or belong, I wonder creative marketing exec. job will able to achieve the dreams I want and yet doing what I love such as fitness and health and modelling. I haven't found my path. Will gym trainer and entrepreneur make me happier and stable life.
Life is always the hardest when we always trying to be perfect and inspiring people around me, but once achieve will be the happiest thing happen in life.
Timing really is nothing about too early or late in life, we don't get to choose when we die or when will I lost my mum, and so, moving out early to start live alone and try learn to earn money and survive is never too early. Its never too early to learn about being mature in thinking. Being gay is nothing rare or new or very special to write into a book to be read by people nowadays, is just that there's still parts of this planet earth will not accept nor understand.
So what makes me say my life is like a roller coaster? The ups and downs in life, is my late mum that taught me to be less self-centered about my own problem and learn to be more than independent, is my siblings that taught me being the youngest in the family like me doesn't mean I will be loved the most or take the least responsibilities for the family. Is my grandparents had taught me the olden generation life was tougher than my generation and learnt to be savvy but being savvy doesn't mean have to be selfish or steal or own things more than you need.
Being gay and attached and confess to family are another part of my experiencing my journey of life, although we always say gay people is same like straight people, we also have the playboy, the emo, the geek/nerd, the hunky, the good and bad lovers like straight people, just not everyone can see that. So, my partner and I had our hard time to go through confessing to our parents and trying to live together in a room with my partner's mum and I now can called her mum is a sense of being recognised and confirmed/approved relationship is really a comforting news to me. She may not be like my mum to replace what I have lost and regret in life, but it is a lucky thing to be able to be loved like a son and mother. And maybe because I came from a different family background, I found living here with my partner and my "mum" , I feel happier and less stress except for my job and my future career and fitness/health.
I always envy or feel that I am slightly less fortunate when comes to blemish skin like mine and people always ask me why, there's no answer to that, I am just born with weaker immune system and sensitive skin. I am just not gifted with a healthy body and skin to live like the beautiful people that surrounds me in every day life. I am just gifted the acknowledgement to live a healthy lifestyle, I am not born with handsome face, beautiful body and golden key. I have learnt life has never really been fair, and I just have to work double the efforts to be like their standards, its hard and its tiring sometimes, but from here I learnt what's more important is inner beauty than outer beauty, I will still continue to look good on the outside, but when comes to knowing people now I learnt to look from the inner beauty to outer beauty.
Sometimes I respect people who got the wisdom to use his/her body as a marketing tool to earn money like Lady Gaga to get attention and then notice her creativity in art then lastly her music which not everyone able to do that or even accept people who brave enough to do it because of shame and what society shapes our mind and values. The body is a tool of feeling expression and the art to express your soul, also a marketing tool for nowadays society, sex sells, fitness physique sells. etc etc. But if you want to be more than just inspiring or just sexy, you better combine both and have a better message to deliver. You only lived once, so think what can you contribute to the society or what can you do while you are alive and what is the last impression you want people to get before you left the world.
Let's talk about Mr. Utopia contest. Utopia is a gay restaurant and bar. Yes, I finally find a contest that suits me than Malaysia Hunk contest which only for straight guys, but this one also is still a contest about metrosexual, fashionable, smart looking sexy hunk contest. Its, again a contest on confidence and sporting guy who is confident on stage. And again, I feel not so confident again, because I don't have good skin yet nor even have stage talents like dancing or singing or acting, not my strength, but its a good experience and its a chance of life changing to better or not. But have to be pretty daring to flaunt your body and get attention and make people like you to get votes.
I sometimes always question where I will go or where will I be or belong, I wonder creative marketing exec. job will able to achieve the dreams I want and yet doing what I love such as fitness and health and modelling. I haven't found my path. Will gym trainer and entrepreneur make me happier and stable life.
Life is always the hardest when we always trying to be perfect and inspiring people around me, but once achieve will be the happiest thing happen in life.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Who's Birthday? my story, your knowledge.
Happy Birthday to myself, I've earned another year of life. Feeling blessed and appreciated. Celebrated two times, one with my family another with my partner and his mum. =) My mind went a little nervous and blank when they asked me to make a wish before blow the candles, I just quickly made a general wish which is " a better year". Basically, I wish for a good health, balance life and stable income and yet able to do the things I love yet able to inspire people or able to give something meaningful/valuable to society from what I love to do, life is about give and take, nothing comes for granted.
Well I think I should share my story a little about my background. I came from a single parent family where my mum passed away more than 3 years ago due to cancer. My family and I have been gone through a tough time from taking care my mum and the family support system, we have issues from family responsibilities, learnt about self responsibilities, self independence, self survival, family values, gratitude, life, prioritise health than job, etc etc. It made me grow up more mentally and spiritually, but also made me more independent and felt lonely without presence of late mum who had conquered a place in my heart.
I will say I became mature on certain family, love life and health perspective but I am not mature in working life perspective yet. I am pretty struggle about letting go about the concept of balance lifestyle when comes to work. Everyone tells me the same thing and I really wish I can prove them wrong but I maybe wrong just because the majority people thinks no such fact is right? Or maybe my real passion is to become a model and also a gym instructor/gym personal trainer because I am more hardworking and willing to commit in getting a good body and healthy eating than my drawing art skill? I doubt myself either.
I came out to my family except some of my relatives when I am with my current boyfriend during the second year. It was tough for my family to take time to understand something unfamiliar to them, to go through what I have been through when I first found out about myself. I was worried so much that I collect a lot of information about gay and how to confess to parents in the best way for us to understand and avoid things turn worse. I had two short term relationships before my current one and I learnt a lot from this relationship about, tolerance, communications, learn from each other, teach each other, patience, understanding, respect and more. I know my partner dislike me being his partner and yet showing a lot of skin taking sexy photos for part time modelling and also self interest and also for side income purpose and he still willing to support me doing what I love doing and doing it right and not mistreat him.
When I was young, I already know I am gay when I always being attracted to male underwear packaging box with the great body male model wearing sexy underwear. And I always feel I want to be just same like them. Its kind of ironic feeling of me being attracted to muscular body and yet feel jealous and frustrated of myself not having such body or not reaching my ideal goal yet. But I know its ain't easy. But that time I have never thought of becoming a model, I just thought I am being a useless narcissist. I was ugly nerdy geek back to younger days until I met my current partner who had polished me, taught me on beauty health. Which also made me have more dreams than just being a fit guy, I want to be wise too. I know I may not be a wisest or smart student material to be perfect, I wish to learn something more from what I interested, healthy diet and also expand my art interest with more diff media, photography.
After one year working as freelance graphic designer, photographer, part time model. I already felt this is not where I wanted to be for the rest of my life. But I feel I don't want abandoned what I have studied and what I was being given with the talent which everyone said so to me when I always think it can be trained. So I got a full time office graphic design relevant job which my friends all told me to gain experience first. I wasn't really feeling this is my dream job or my dream life too or a job that I feel its ok to work hard as what I want for my career life but instead I feel I just want to get a fixed income at the moment.
Which now I not sure shall I invest myself or dive myself into fitness health industry since I prioritise healthy and balanced lifestyle. Will I survive? will I fail? Risk fears me and regret gets me worry of wasting time and efforts but only action will make things come true. I hope I make a decision before mid year comes and I wish luck is on my side to clear my direction of career path. Am I able to commit fully into fitness health and bare the pain of hardships?
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Update on life and workout.
After entering the second month of my probation job as creative marketing, I started to get use of certain routine or a kind of lifestyle I am living for now. Trying to wake up on time to prepare own breakfast, shower, dress up, walk to train station, getting little sweaty and catch the train and bus on time to office for work before 9 a.m.. I have felt the goods and bads of taking train everyday, observe every one of us as human beings on train doing some selfish and some kind actions happening in train.
I have watched people trying to squeeze into the train no matter how full the train has been already filled, showing how selfish are we just so that we can go to work on time and we throw away our shame and face, being bold and forgotten what is the human/moral values. I have seen some people giving way and seats to the needy ones. I have seen a blind man with one eye heavily infected and eye popping out and trying to find his way to make the right call with his mobile phone. I have seen the rich and the poor taking the same train. In short, taking public transport make me and you see the daily lives of the people putting together with contrast, which i think is special of how life surrounds me or us with things like such to remind us something or make me learn from observation of things in life.
Other than working the usual weekdays and getting all dry up by squeezing creative juice and losing my inspiration to create, my desire of wanting to earn more pocket money at my current state, made me continue wanting to find some part time modelling photo shoot and also thinking to sell my next e-photobook. Well, its not all just about the money. Its also something i enjoy doing other than my job when everything goes smooth together. =)
And now I have a deal with Totomomo site open for my fans to sponsor items from Totomomo for my next coming e-photobook which themed "Fantasy/Not Myself" which will be kinky theme and also input my personal concept about fantasy and reality to deliver a small message before browsing the fantasy images like how I did the arrangement from the first e-photobook.
I have people message me about what items can be sponsor from Totomomo or what is my limit to wear for photoshoot such as cock ring or thongs. I will say I can wear that but I will match with another item to get it semi transparent covered or have something peekaboo.
This is my first e-photobook and still selling. To buy via Paypal or more information click the link below:
https://www.facebook.com/
or you can buy from Totomomo also:
http://www.totomomo.co/E-Book-I-Started-Nothing-by-J-son-Yau-EB001.htm
Starting to cope back being active on my facebook page and blog and promoting and selling not many, but still some e-books, and finding sponsors and partners to work with from photographer, to props and concept, ideas, have made me busy lately and slightly lack of sleep. It has put me into doubt and questioning myself what is really best that suits me and make me happy working for, what job can make me happy and keep me going, able to keep me survive? I question myself am I capable of becoming a gym instructor and also a model? etc etc... I started thinking about studying gym instructor course. I just only know that I enjoy doing workout and also photoshoots. Of course I still do enjoy doing painting, drawings, design and handcraft.
And I saw this article "Interview with Todd Sanfield":
http://www.myportiswaspsays.com/2014/01/a-new-interview-with-todd-sanfield-is.html?m=1
and I realised, it can be done and I am not alone. But I know its going to be really tough. And Todd Sanfield prove to me you can have many dreams but only matters is how you manage it. Am I going to follow and believe on what I am doing multi tasking can achieve success? I still think twice. Not everyone have the same strength and limitation.
I have met a few facebook friends and fan that I have never met before after I have moved to this rented place, and working in KL. I felt happy and lucky for that because after the long day working at office, I get pretty tired and out of drive.
Talk about my workout lately, I haven't got a fix workout routine weekly. I workout 2- 3 times weekly. If I doing my workout at the condo gym, I will do cycling 100 meter to warm up my body, then I do stretching hands and legs and my back. Then I will do some kicking and some hips workout and planking. Then, I only start using the machine do chest, back, legs again, and lastly abs workout. Each other body parts workout I do 3 sets, each set 10 repetitions, except for abs workout, I will do 4 sets and each set 20 repetitions. But sometimes I want to stress my muscle more, I will add a few extra reps. I hope this answer to people who had asked me about my workout in personal message before.
I have watched people trying to squeeze into the train no matter how full the train has been already filled, showing how selfish are we just so that we can go to work on time and we throw away our shame and face, being bold and forgotten what is the human/moral values. I have seen some people giving way and seats to the needy ones. I have seen a blind man with one eye heavily infected and eye popping out and trying to find his way to make the right call with his mobile phone. I have seen the rich and the poor taking the same train. In short, taking public transport make me and you see the daily lives of the people putting together with contrast, which i think is special of how life surrounds me or us with things like such to remind us something or make me learn from observation of things in life.
And now I have a deal with Totomomo site open for my fans to sponsor items from Totomomo for my next coming e-photobook which themed "Fantasy/Not Myself" which will be kinky theme and also input my personal concept about fantasy and reality to deliver a small message before browsing the fantasy images like how I did the arrangement from the first e-photobook.
I have people message me about what items can be sponsor from Totomomo or what is my limit to wear for photoshoot such as cock ring or thongs. I will say I can wear that but I will match with another item to get it semi transparent covered or have something peekaboo.
This is my first e-photobook and still selling. To buy via Paypal or more information click the link below:
https://www.facebook.com/
or you can buy from Totomomo also:
http://www.totomomo.co/E-Book-I-Started-Nothing-by-J-son-Yau-EB001.htm
Starting to cope back being active on my facebook page and blog and promoting and selling not many, but still some e-books, and finding sponsors and partners to work with from photographer, to props and concept, ideas, have made me busy lately and slightly lack of sleep. It has put me into doubt and questioning myself what is really best that suits me and make me happy working for, what job can make me happy and keep me going, able to keep me survive? I question myself am I capable of becoming a gym instructor and also a model? etc etc... I started thinking about studying gym instructor course. I just only know that I enjoy doing workout and also photoshoots. Of course I still do enjoy doing painting, drawings, design and handcraft.
And I saw this article "Interview with Todd Sanfield":
http://www.myportiswaspsays.com/2014/01/a-new-interview-with-todd-sanfield-is.html?m=1
and I realised, it can be done and I am not alone. But I know its going to be really tough. And Todd Sanfield prove to me you can have many dreams but only matters is how you manage it. Am I going to follow and believe on what I am doing multi tasking can achieve success? I still think twice. Not everyone have the same strength and limitation.
I have met a few facebook friends and fan that I have never met before after I have moved to this rented place, and working in KL. I felt happy and lucky for that because after the long day working at office, I get pretty tired and out of drive.
Talk about my workout lately, I haven't got a fix workout routine weekly. I workout 2- 3 times weekly. If I doing my workout at the condo gym, I will do cycling 100 meter to warm up my body, then I do stretching hands and legs and my back. Then I will do some kicking and some hips workout and planking. Then, I only start using the machine do chest, back, legs again, and lastly abs workout. Each other body parts workout I do 3 sets, each set 10 repetitions, except for abs workout, I will do 4 sets and each set 20 repetitions. But sometimes I want to stress my muscle more, I will add a few extra reps. I hope this answer to people who had asked me about my workout in personal message before.
I hope I can get more photographers to work with for my e-photobook or for their portfolio too. I also looking for makeup artists or stylists to work with. And I also interested to look for publisher who is willing to publish my e-photobook into hardcopy, let me know the rates and details.
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